Faithfulness, verbal affirmation, friendship, romantic getaways, working through conflict, and availability are but a few of the keys given in the Song of Solomon to building a godly marriage.
It is not Solomon’s life we are to examine for instruction in a godly marriage. However, this Song—God’s inspired picture of what a godly, loving marriage can be—invites us to reach toward it wholeheartedly.
- Move from the mind-set of “me” and “mine” to “we” and “ours.” When two become one flesh, their union is mental and emotional, as well as physical. Work at becoming one in all aspects of life together (Gen. 2:23, 24).
- Recognize that conflict and misunderstanding can arise over the issue of being sexually available to one another. Talk through any conflict.
- Do not give each other the “silent treatment” or run from the problem. Work toward a loving compromise that is pleasing for both of you (1 Cor. 7:5).
- Verbally express your love to your marriage partner in positive and creative ways.
- Work to remain friends with your marriage partner. One of the great gifts of marriage is to be both best friends and lovers.
- Intentionally plan time to get away together.
- Remain faithful to your spouse. Guard vigilantly your thoughts, emotions, and actions, and aggressively resist temptation. Keep your seal, your word, and your promise of enduring love unbroken as long as you both are living.
Love between a man and a woman flourishes in its highest form and reaches its greatest potential within the bonds of God’s covenant of marriage.
In pure and candid language, the Song instructs, expounds, and extols the love between a husband and a wife. By the mere inclusion of the Song in the Bible, God makes a strong statement that sexual intimacy is not a lower or base instinct to be suppressed or overcome.
Rather, His intention is for sexual intimacy within marriage to be fulfilling, passionate, and exciting. The Song can instruct couples in every phase of marriage from the newly wed to those whose marriage has passed the half-century mark.
- Understand that physical desire for your spouse is entirely appropriate.
- Be free in your physical expression of love to your spouse. These verses express only some of the ways in which the Song illustrates the joy, freedom, and excitement of sexual intimacy within the God-given covenant of marriage.
- Eat and drink deeply at the banquet of love.
- Enjoy and allow physical love to nourish you and your marriage.
- Embrace one another freely, tenderly, and lovingly.
- Intimacy reaches its greatest expression in marriage as a husband and wife embrace each other without barriers between them.
- Learn to speak the language of love. Build up each other verbally; it will cause each of you to be more secure in your relationship and improve your love life.
God calls us to pursue holiness in every area of our lives. Our culture today, however, exerts tremendous pressure to throw away moral biblical standards in relationships. The Song brings a refreshing look at the need to maintain sexual purity before marriage.
Following this godly standard of purity before marriage enables us to enjoy the greatest possible sexual fulfillment, health, and freedom in marriage.
Sex is God’s gift that is to be cherished and kept until our wedding day when it can be opened and fully enjoyed for a lifetime.
- Refuse and abstain from any sexual involvement before marriage. Avoid situations and activities that might arouse or awaken sexual desire before marriage. Be wise! God created sex to be wonderfully fulfilling only within the secure relationship of marriage.
- Keep yourself sexually pure for your wedding day. Your virginity is a gift you can only give once. Reserve it for your husband or wife alone. If it is too late for that, ask God to forgive you, purify you, and redeem what has been lost. Ask your fiancée or spouse for their forgiveness, too. Seek godly counsel, if needed, to work through this potentially difficult issue. Pray together, and ask the Lord to restore and heal your relationship.
- Christian families, get involved in the development of your children’s views and choices about sexual morality. Parents, instruct your children in godly relationships, sexual morality, and the God-given gift of sex within marriage.
- Encourage and support sexual purity and virginity in order to help build defenses that will close the door to cultural seduction to immorality.
Using courtship to maximum advantage minimizes difficulties in marriage. Many couples enter marriage unprepared to deal with the things they will face. Though brief and indirect the advice given by Solomon and the Shunamite should be heeded by those preparing for marriage
- understand that it is of the utmost importance that we learn to know and accept our intended spouse as he/she is
- accept as wrong thinking any hidden plans to changer that person
- know it is better not to follow through with the plans for marriage than to marry one you can not accept as he/she is
- take time to identify and resolve potential problems to your marriage. Face them honestly and candidly
- Determine to build a strong un breakable commitment to each other in your marriage